You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
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