And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
