You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
