apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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