Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
