so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Randomize
