How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
a search helicopter?!
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize