Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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