Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
