Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Randomize
