my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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