i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
