Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize