just come out here and I will go home with you...
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
