i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
