i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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