I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Ladies don't puke and tell
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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