i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
a search helicopter?!
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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