Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
