He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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