I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
