She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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