giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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