im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
we made out on top of his cat.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
