Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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