Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
