I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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