This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
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