we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
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