If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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