"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
