You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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