New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
