May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
