I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
