Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
