when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
