I think I died a long time ago.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
