You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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