so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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