Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Someone shattered a urinal.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Randomize
