Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
