i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
