from now on my penis is your penis
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
