I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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