i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
