Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
