maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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