I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Randomize
