I accidentally burped into my bong.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
It all started with a game of naked twister.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
