So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
