she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
