the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Randomize
