Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
