I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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