so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
