dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
