Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
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