She's JV to your varsity
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
