Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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