she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
