i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
