tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
