you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
