When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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