I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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