I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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