That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
