Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
This toilet bowl is my home.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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