Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
