this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
