Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
