When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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