I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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