Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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