let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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