oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
