toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Need sex. Gaining weight.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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