he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I need to calm my uterus...
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
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