i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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