Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
