He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Randomize
