I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize