You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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