Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize